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Church Bulletin Bloopers

Dear Joe,

I’m sure you’ve seen some of these church bulletin bloopers before but there are some new ones here as well. I remember you and Mom always looked for bloopers on Sunday morning before the service started.
Love,
Dad


Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice .
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.’

Robby’s Night

Dear Joe,

This is a true story that Bob Simmons sent me. Do I need to tell you it’s worth reading?
Love,
Dad


At the prodding of my friends, I am writing this story. My name is Mildred Hondorf. I am a former elementary school music teacher from Des Moines, Iowa . I’ve always supplemented my income by teaching piano lessons-something I’ve done for over 30 years. Over the years I found that children have many levels of musical ability. I’ve never had the pleasure of having a prodigy though I have taught some talented students.

However I’ve also had my share of what I call ‘musically challenged’ pupils. One such student was Robby.

Robby was 11 years old when his mother (a single Mom) dropped him off for his first piano lesson. I prefer that students (especially boys!) begin at an earlier age, which I explained to Robby.

But Robby said that it had always been his mother’s dream to hear him play the piano. So I took him as a student ….. Well, Robby began with his piano lessons and from the beginning I thought it was a hopeless endeavor. As much as Robby tried, he lacked the sense of tone and basic rhythm needed to excel but he dutifully reviewed his scales and some elementary pieces that I require all my students to learn.

Over the months he tried and tried while I listened and cringed and tried to encourage him. At the end of each weekly lesson he’d always say, ‘My mom’s going to hear me play someday.’ But it seemed hopeless. just did not have any inborn ability. I only knew his mother from a distance as she dropped Robby off or waited in her aged car to pick him up. She always waved and smiled but never stopped in.

Then one day Robby stopped coming to our lessons.

I thought about calling him but assumed because of his lack of ability, that he had decided to pursue something else. I also was glad that he stopped coming. He was a bad advertisement for my teaching!

Several weeks later I mailed to the student’s homes a flyer on the upcoming recital. To my surprise Robby (who received a flyer) asked me if he could be in the recital. I told him that the recital was for current pupils and because he had dropped out he really did not qualify. He said that his mother had been sick and unable to take him to piano lessons but he was still practicing ‘Miss Hondorf, I’ve just got to play!’ he insisted.

I don’t know what led me to allow him to play in the recital. Maybe it was his persistence or maybe it was something inside of me saying that it would be all right. The night for the recital came. The high school gymnasium was packed with parents, friends and relatives. I put Robby up last in the program before I was to come up and thank all the students and play a finishing piece. I thought that any damage he would do would come at the end of the program and I could always salvage his poor performance through my ‘curtain closer.’

Well, the recital went off without a hitch. The students had been practicing and it showed, then Robby came up on stage. His clothes were wrinkled and his hair looked like he’d run an eggbeater through it. ‘Why didn’t he dress up like the other students?’ I thought. ‘Why didn’t his mother at least make him comb his hair for this special night?’

Robby pulled out the piano bench and he began. I was surprised when he announced that he had chosen Mozart’s Concerto #21 in C Major. I was not prepared for what I heard next. His fingers were light on the keys, they even danced nimbly on the ivories. He went from pianissimo to fortissimo. From allegro to virtuoso. His suspended chords that Mozart demands were magnificent! Never had I heard Mozart played so well by people his age. After six and a half minutes he ended in a grand crescendo and everyone was on their feet in wild applause.

Overcome and in tears I ran up on stage and put my arms around Robby in joy. ‘I’ve never heard you play like that Robby! How’d you do it? ‘

Through the microphone Robby explained: ‘Well, Miss Hondorf, remember I told you my Mom was sick? Well, actually she had cancer and passed away this morning and well. She was born deaf so tonight was the first time she ever heard me play. I wanted to make it special.’

There wasn’t a dry eye in the house that evening. As the people from Social Services led Robby from the stage to be placed into foster care, noticed that even their eyes were red and puffy and I thought to myself how much richer my life had been for taking Robby as my pupil.

No, I’ve never had a prodigy but that night I became a prodigy ….. of Robby’s. He was the teacher and I was the pupil for it is he that taught me the meaning of perseverance and love and believing in yourself and maybe even taking a chance in someone and you don’t know why.

Robby was killed in the senseless bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City in April of 1995.

Dog & Piglet Story

Dear Joe,

Dave Binder sent this my way. Here is another example of the wonders of nature.
Love,
Dad


A giant farm dog and a tiny piglet cuddle up as if they were family after the baby runt was dismissed by its own mother.

Surrogate mum Katjinga, an eight-year-old Rhodesian Ridgeback, took on motherly duties for grunter Paulinchen – a tiny pot-bellied pig – and seems to be taking the adoption in her stride.

Lonely Paulinchen was luckily discovered moments from death and placed in the care of the dog who gladly accepted it as one of her own. Thankfully for the two-week old mini porker, Katjinga fell in love with her at first sight and saved her bacon.

And the unlikely relationship has made the wrinkly piggy a genuine sausage dog. In these adorable images Paulinchen can even be seen trying to suckle from her gigantic new mum.

The two animals live together on a huge 20-acre farm in Hoerstel, Germany, where Katjinga’s owners Roland Adam, 54, and his wife Edit, 44, a bank worker, keep a pair of breeding Vietnamese pigs.

Nose place like home: The baby piglet nuzzles up to its new mum

Property developer Roland found the weak and struggling piglet after she was abandoned by the rest of her family one evening after she was born.

He said: “The pigs run wild on our land and the sow had given birth to a litter of five in our forest. I found Paulinchen all alone and when I lifted her up she was really cold. I felt sure some local foxes would have taken the little pig that very night so I took it into my house and gave her to Katjinga. She had just finished with a litter of her own, who are now 10 months, so I thought there was a chance she might take on the duties of looking after her. Katjinga is the best mother you can imagine. She immediately fell in love with the piggy. Straight away she started to clean it like it was one of her own puppies. Days later she started lactating again and giving milk for the piggy. She obviously regards it now as her own baby.”

Mum of the year? Quite possibly.

Real-Life Jungle Book

Dear Joe,

I remember Disney’s Jungle Book was one of the first, full-length movies you saw. It’s always been a family favorite.
Love,
Dad


They make an unlikely trio, but Baloo the bear, Leo the lion, and Shere Khan the tiger have forged an unusually strong bond. Considering that they would be mortal enemies if they ever were to meet in the wild, it is stunning to see their unique and genuine friendship in these intimate pictures. Rescued eight years ago during a police drugs raid in Atlanta, Georgia, the three friends were only cubs at the time when they were barely two months old.

They had been kept as status symbol pets by the drug barons.

Delivered to the Noah’s Ark Animal Rescue Centre in Locust Grove, Georgia, the decision was made to keep the youngsters together because of their budding rapport.

‘We could have separated them, but since they came as a kind of family, the zoo decided to keep them together,’ said Diane Smith, assistant director of Noah’s Ark.

‘To our knowledge, this is the only place where you’ll find this combination of animals together.’

Living with the zoo’s founders for the past eight years, Shere Khan, Baloo, and Leo have now moved to a purpose-built habitat where the US public can now witness first hand their touching relationships.

‘We didn’t have the money to move them at first,’ said Diane.

‘Now their habitat is sorted and they have been moved away from the children’s zoo areas where the public couldn’t really get a good look.

‘It is possible to see Baloo, who is a 1000 lb bear, Shere Khan, a 350 lb tiger and Leo, who is also 350 lbs, messing around like brothers.

‘They are totally oblivious to the fact that in any other circumstance they would not be friends.’

Handled by Charles and Jama Hedgecoth, the zoo’s owners and founders, the three friendly giants appear to have have no comprehension of their animal differences.

‘Baloo and Shere Khan are very close,’ says Diane.

‘That is because they rise early, and as Leo is a lion, he likes to spend most of the day sleeping.

‘It is wonderful and magical to see a giant American Black Bear put his arm around a Bengal and then to see the tiger nuzzle up to the bear like a domestic cat.

‘When Leo wakes up, the three of them mess around for most of the day before they settle down to some food.’

Surprisingly for three apex predators with the power to kill with a single bite or swipe of their paw, they are very relaxed around each other.

‘They eat, sleep and play together,’ said Jama.

‘As they treat each other as siblings. They will lie on top of each other for heat and simply for affection.

‘At the moment they are getting used to their new habitat.

‘Shere Khan is quite reticent about the move, but Baloo, the bear, is very good at leading him on and making him feel comfortable and safe.’

Explaining that the three ‘brothers’ have always seemed to share a unique bond, Charles said: ‘Noah’s Ark is their home and they could not possibly be separated from each other.

‘You just have to remember who you’re dealing with when you are with them, though.

‘It’s when you forget that these fellows are wild animals that you get yourself in trouble.’

The trio’s new habitat had to be constructed carefully, in order to accommodate its occupants.

Jama said: ‘The clubhouse had to be very sturdy for the guys, because they all sleep in it together,’

She added: ‘We had to include a creek, because the tiger and the bear both like to be in water.’

Coffee Filters

Dear Joe,

Coffee filters ….. who knew! Down at our Dollar Tree you can buy 1,000 for almost nothing, even the large ones.
Love,
Dad


Coffee filters are better than paper towels and a lot less expensive!

1. Cover bowls or dishes when cooking in the microwave. Coffee filters make excellent covers.

2. Clean windows, mirrors, and chrome … Coffee filters are lint-free so they’ll leave windows sparkling.

3. Protect China by separating your good dishes with a coffee filter between each dish.

4. Filter broken cork from wine. If you break the cork when opening a wine bottle, filter the wine through a coffee filter.

5. Protect a cast-iron skillet. Place a coffee filter in the skillet to absorb moisture and prevent rust.

6. Apply shoe polish. Ball up a lint-free coffee filter.

7. Recycle frying oil. After frying, strain oil through a sieve lined with a coffee filter.

8. Weigh chopped foods. Place chopped ingredients in a coffee filter on a kitchen scale.

9. Hold tacos. Coffee filters make convenient wrappers for messy foods.

10. Stop the soil from leaking out of a plant pot. Line a plant pot with a coffee filter to prevent the soil from going through the drainage holes.

11. Prevent a Popsicle from dripping. Poke one or two holes as needed in a coffee filter.

12. Do you think we used expensive strips to wax eyebrows? Use strips of coffee filters.

13. Put a few in a plate and put your fried bacon, French fries, chicken fingers, etc on them. It soaks out all the grease.

14. Keep in the bathroom. They make great “razor nick fixers.”

15. As a sewing backing. Use a filter as an easy-to-tear backing for embroidering or appliqueing soft fabrics.

16. Put baking soda into a coffee filter and insert into shoes or a closet to absorb or prevent odors.

17. Use them to strain soup stock and to tie fresh herbs in to put in soups and stews.

18. Use a coffee filter to prevent spilling when you add fluids to your car.

19. Use them as a spoon rest while cooking and clean up small counter spills.

20. Can use to hold dry ingredients when baking or when cutting a piece of fruit or veggies.. Saves on having extra bowls to wash.

21. Use them to wrap Christmas ornaments for storage.

22. Use them to remove fingernail polish when out of cotton balls.

23. Use them to sprout seeds.. Simply dampen the coffee filter, place seeds inside, fold it and place it into a plastic baggie until they sprout.

24. Use coffee filters as blotting paper for pressed flowers. Place the flowers between two coffee filters and put the coffee filters in phone book.

25. Use as a disposable “snack bowl” for popcorn, chips, etc.

Oh yeah, they are also great to use in your coffee maker!

General Eisenhower Warned Us

Dear Joe,

Every year a number of my friends send me emails like this one to remember the holocaust. And each year one stands out more than any other. Here’s this year’s …..
Love,
Dad


General Eisenhower Warned Us

It is a matter of history that when the Supreme Commander of the Allied Forces, General Dwight Eisenhower, found the victims of the death camps he ordered all possible photographs to be taken, and for the German people from surrounding villages to be ushered through the camps and even made to bury the dead.

He did this because he said in words to this effect:

‘Get it all on record now – get the films – get the witnesses -because somewhere down the road of history some bastard will get up and say that this never happened’

This week, the UK debated whether to remove the Holocaust from its school curriculum because it ‘offends’ the Muslim population which claims it never occurred. It is not removed as yet. However, this is a frightening portent of the fear that is gripping the world and how easily each country is giving into it.

Now, more than ever, with Iran, among others, claiming the Holocaust to be ‘a myth’, it is imperative to make sure the world never forgets.

How many years will it be before the attack on the World TradeCenter ‘NEVER HAPPENED’ because it offends some Muslim in the U.S.?

Moses and the Computer

Dear Joe,
I can’t resist sending this “dialog” to you. I hope you get a chuckle like I did.

Love,
Dad

“Excuse me, Sir.”

“Is that you again, Moses?”

“I’m afraid it is, Sir.”

“What is it this time, Moses; more computer problems?”

“How did you guess?”

“I don’t have to guess, Moses. Remember ?”

“Oh, yes; I forgot.”

“Tell me what you want, Moses.”

“But you already know, Sir. Remember?”

“Moses!”

“Sorry, Sir.”

“Well, go ahead, Moses; spit it out.”

“Well, I have a question, Sir. You know those ten ‘things’ you sent me via e-mail?”

“You mean the Ten Commandments, Moses?”

“That’s it. I was wondering if they are important.”

“What do you mean ‘if they are important,’ Moses? Of course, they are important. Otherwise, I would not have sent them to you.”

“Well, sorry, Sir, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them; but, of course, you would see right through that.”

“What do you mean you ‘lost them’? Are you trying to tell me you didn’t save them, Moses?”

“No, Sir; I forgot.”

“You should always save, Moses.”

“Yes, I know. You told me that before. I was going to save them, but I forgot. I did forward them to some people before I lost them though.”

“And did you hear back from any of them?”


“You already know I did. There was the one guy who said he never uses ‘shalt not.’ May he change the words a little bit?”

“Yes, Moses, as long as he does not change the meaning.”

“And what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh, and recommended calling them the ‘Ten Suggestions,’ or letting people pick one or two to try for a while?”

“Moses, I will act as if I did not hear that.”

“I think that means ‘no.’ Well, what about the guy who said I was scamming him?”

“I think the term is ‘spamming,’ Moses.”

“Oh, yes. I. emailed him back and told him I don’t even eat that stuff, and I have no idea how you can send it to someone through a computer.”

“And what did he say?”

“You know what he said. He used Your name in vain. You don’t think he might have sent me one of those — err — plagues, and that’s the reason I lost those ten ‘things’, do you?”

“They are not plagues; they are called ‘viruses,’ Moses.”

“Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me. Can we go back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking them out and reading them each day, but at least I never lost them.”

“We will do it the new way, Moses; using computers!!”

“I was afraid you would say that, Sir.”

“Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?”

“You told me to hold up this rat and point it toward the computer.”

“It’s a mouse, Moses, not a rat. Mouse! Mouse! And did you do that?”

“No, I decided to try calling technical support first. After all, who knows more about this stuff than you? And I really like your hours. By the way, Sir, did Noah have two of these mice on the ark?”

“No, Moses.”

“One other thing. Why did you not name them ‘frogs’ instead of ‘mice,’ because did you not tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?”

“I did not name them, Moses. Man did, and you can call yours a frog if you want to.”

“Oh, that explains it. I bet some woman told Adam to call it a mouse. After all, was it not a woman who named one of the computers ‘Apple?'”

“Say good night, Moses.”

“Wait a minute, Sir. I am pointing the mouse, and it seems to be working. Yes, a couple of the ten ‘things’ have come back.”

“Which ones are they, Moses?”

‘Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image’ and ‘Thou shalt not uncover Thy neighbor’s wife.'”

“Turn the computer off, Moses. I’m sending you another set of stone tablets.”

Two Choices

Dear Joe,

Read this story then tell me: What would you do? Don’t look for a punch line, there isn’t one. 
Love,
Dad


At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

‘When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?’

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. ‘I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.’

Then he told the following story:

Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, ‘Do you think they’ll let me play?’ I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, ‘We’re losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we’ll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.’

Shay struggled over to the team’s bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay’s team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay’s team scored again.

Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn’t even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay’s life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.

The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.

As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.

Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman’s head, out of reach of all team mates.

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, ‘Shay, run to first! Run to first!’

Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.

He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, ‘Run to second, run to second!’

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.

By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball. The smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher’s intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman’s head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, ‘Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay’

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, ‘Run to third!

Shay, run to third!’

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, ‘Shay, run home! Run home!’

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team

‘That day’, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, ‘the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world’.

Shay didn’t make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

AND NOW A LITTLE FOOT NOTE TO THIS STORY:

We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate.

The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

If you’re thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you’re probably sorting out the people in your address book who aren’t the ‘appropriate’ ones to receive this type of message Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference.

We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the ‘natural order of things.’

So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice:

Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it’s least fortunate amongst them.

A Dog’s Purpose (from a 6 Year-Old)

Dear Joe,
This is a sweet story. I remember how hard you took Digger’s passing.

Love,
Dad

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn’t do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure.

They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker’s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker’s death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.  Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ”I know why.”

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I’d never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try to live. He said,”People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life — like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?” The six-year-old continued, ”Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”

Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:

  • When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
  • Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
  • Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
  • Take naps.
  • Stretch before rising.
  • Run, romp, and play daily.
  • Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
  • Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
  • On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
  • On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
  • When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
  • Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
  • Be loyal.
  • Never pretend to be something you’re not.
  • If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
  • When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.
ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!

New CarJacking Scheme

Dear Joe,

Millie Smith sent this over to me yesterday. I’m forwarding it to everyone I know, especially my family.
Love,
Dad


Just last weekend on Friday night we parked in a public parking area. As we drove away I noticed a sticker on the rear window of the car. When I took it off after I got home, it was a receipt for gas. Luckily my friend told me not to stop as it could be someone waiting for me to get out of the car.

Then we received this email yesterday:

WARNING FROM POLICE


THIS APPLIES TO BOTH WOMEN AND MEN

BEWARE OF PAPER ON THE BACK WINDOW OF YOUR  VEHICLE– NEW WAY TO DO  CARJACKINGS

You walk across the parking lot, unlock your car and get inside. You start the engine and shift into Reverse.

When you look into the rearview mirror to back out of your parking space, you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window.

So, you shift into Park, unlock your doors, and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view.

When you reach the back of your car, that is when the carjackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off. They practically mow you down as they speed off in your car.

And guess what, ladies? I bet your purse is still in the car.

So now the carjacker has your car, your home address, your money, and your keys.

Your home and your whole identity are now compromised!

BEWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED.

If you see a piece of paper stuck to your back window, just drive away. Remove the paper later. And be thankful that you read this e-mail.

I hope you will forward this to friends and family, especially to women.

A purse contains all kinds of personal information and identification documents, and you certainly do NOT want this to fall into the wrong hands.